Posted by Think about the last time you were making a big decision with someone else. Maybe it was buying a house, pitching for a promotion, or even just deciding where to send the kids to school. One person is all in — talking about the numbers, the benefits, the timeline — and the other is nodding along.
But something feels off. Their words say yes, but their body language says… not so sure. A forced smile, a wince, or that kind of nod that’s just a little too quick.
Many people miss these critical signals entirely. They’re understandably focused on logistics, numbers, and outcomes, but miss the psychological dynamics going on in the background.
Being able to read body language is a skill that transfers across virtually every sector and industry. I’m going to draw on property examples, but being able to read what people aren’t saying is a competitive advantage in business, at work, and even at home.
The hidden half of every big decision
When someone is making a big choice – whether it’s buying a home, hiring someone, or entering a business partnership – they’re rarely the only decision-maker. Even if only one person is in the room, there’s almost always a silent partner – a spouse, parent, business partner, or someone else – whose opinion will make or break the outcome.
The psychology behind major financial and lifestyle decisions is complicated. It’s never just about money. So when people are making choices, they’re not just picking a product or service – they’re choosing a lifestyle, a reputation, or a sense of belonging.
Take property: Imagine a high-flying exec who loves the idea of a showpiece home in the city — something that screams success. Sounds great on paper, right? But what about their partner, who’s left in 6,000 square feet of silence when they’re away travelling? One is thinking prestige; the other is thinking isolation. Both matter.
And this isn’t just property. It’s the same in business meetings when one director dominates while another checks out. Or when family members “let someone else decide” — until they don’t. If you don’t catch those dynamics early, they’ll catch up with you later.
Five non-verbal signals that kill deals (or careers, or conversations)
There are a few classic signs that someone isn’t truly on board. Learn to spot these, and you’ll save yourself a lot of time, money, and stress.
1. The wince
That subtle facial tightening when you hit a nerve – maybe a location, a price point, or a deadline. It’s quick, but it’s telling.
Try saying: “I noticed you reacted when I mentioned [X]. Is that something that worries you?”
2. The nervous laugh
Different from genuine laughter. It sounds like a laugh, but really means, “Please stop talking about this.”
Try saying: “I get the sense this is uncomfortable. What part of this feels uncertain?”
3. The check-out
They’re still in the room, but they’re not really there. Leaning back, arms crossed, or scrolling their phone. It’s usually a sign they’re overwhelmed or sidelined.
Try saying: “I want to make sure we’re covering what matters most. What’s important to you here?”
4. The override
One person dominates; the other fades. Nods, smiles, silence — but no real input. That silence isn’t agreement, it’s withdrawal.
Try saying: “I’d love to hear your thoughts too. What’s on your mind?”
5. The false agreement
The most dangerous: the words say yes but the body language says no way.
Try saying: “Let’s just check — are we genuinely aligned here, or is there something we need to talk through?”
The resentment factor
Big choices come with long-term consequences — and resentment often builds in the gap between what people say they want and what they really want.
Think about it. One partner wants the trophy property; the other values community. One business partner wants the big-name client; the other is worried about burnout.
Neither one is wrong. But those trade-offs absolutely have to be discussed openly, otherwise the cracks appear sooner or later, and then suddenly the arguments aren’t about the house, or the client, or the deal — they’re about something else entirely.
That’s why it’s so important to get past the surface conversation and into what the choice really means for day-to-day life. How will weekends look? Who will be there when support is needed? What will success actually feel like in reality?
Practical strategies you can use anywhere
Understanding psychology is only valuable if you can apply it practically, so here are some strategies to put it into practice:
The two-person rule: Don’t move forward until all key stakeholders are in the room. “They’re fine with whatever” usually means they’re not.
Ask better questions: Instead of “What’s your budget?” try “What does success look like for you?” or “What would give you total confidence here?”
Invite objections: Create space for dissent. “What worries you most about this?”
Don’t be afraid to pause: Don’t push through uncomfortable signals. Stop, notice, and ask questions.
Validate before you educate: If someone disagrees with you, don’t dive in to tell them why they’re wrong. Acknowledge their perspective first — then explain. People need to feel heard before they’ll hear you.
Building your competitive edge
We live in a world where everything has become increasingly transactional, with most people competing on price, speed, and efficiency. But that’s exactly why there’s such an opportunity for anyone willing to slow down and really listen.
Clients, colleagues, and partners will always remember the professional who helped them avoid a mistake, created space for difficult conversations, and prioritised long-term outcomes over short-term wins. It’s how trust is built and how careers and businesses grow.
Markets change, industries shift, and economic cycles rise and fall. But people will always be people! If you can read what isn’t being said, navigate dynamics with tact, and create genuine alignment between stakeholders, you’ll succeed in whichever field you’re in.
Your advantage isn’t in knowing the latest data – it’s in noticing the wince, understanding what it means, and having the courage to address it. That’s what transforms you from a transactional provider into a trusted advisor – in property and in life.
I took a deeper dive on this topic in episode 257 of the podcast, in conversation with Andrew Rhatigan, so if you enjoyed this blog, go and take a listen!